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hillabalou

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Hi, if you're not super interested in personal life stuff, you can keep scrolling. No worries at all. This is just an update for anyone that wants to know what's been going on.


I want to explain a bit about why I've been so absent and why my art/descriptions have just sounded sad over the past year and change. On January 19, 2022 my Dad passed away. My Aunt (same side) passed on the first of that same month as well. I didn't really process either loss right away.


In the middle of all the funerals and whatnot, I was trying to leave a toxic job (boss showed up at my Dad's funeral and joked that she had to make sure I was actually there). I interviewed for a job a couple days after Dad's funeral. I got the job, but it has been a challenge to get the hang of. Previous boss didn't take too kindly to my leaving suddenly, but I knew if I stayed, my mental health was going to get way worse.


I was relieved to have the new job and it has been a much healthier environment, but getting the hang of that led me to put off processing the loss of my Dad and my Aunt for awhile. Once I got more comfortable in the job and knew I was in a safe place, things finally set in. Outside of the job I totally shut down.


I'd want to say something, but it was hard to explain at the time. It was hard enough to accept for myself, let alone say something to someone else. I mostly stopped answering people or only responded briefly. I would dump whatever random art I'd managed to make and run. I was faving and running. I didn't really have ideas for art.

Once in awhile I could force something, but it wasn't much fun. Art felt exhausting when it used to be fairly effortless. I leaned hardcore into portraits, cause I could work off a reference. I ran out of steam on that too. I just wanted to sleep. So I slept and went to work and then slept some more.


I tried to find a creative outlet other than art. I started a let's play youtube channel for the hell of it. I've been having fun with it so it's been a decent distraction. Takes pressure off and I get to share games I enjoy.


Overall, I feel like I'm getting a bit better. I want to be more involved in art/characters/stories again. I've been slowly building up things on my Toyhouse account. I've enjoyed added stuff there. It's the only other place I post any art right now.


DeviantArt used to be such a huge part of my life and now I feel like a stranger here. There're many of you that I would very much love to catch up with. I want to see things you've posted that I've missed. I'm gonna focus on that for a bit.


I'm sorry this was a downer of a post. I just wanted to explain to anyone that had been wondering. Thank you.

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